Let Go and Let Dad

📷@mollysmith_photography
There is nothing quite like the bond between a child and their mother. It is something indescribable, the bond and connection runs deeper than any emotion you can fathom. Am I right Mama’s? But, the relationship between child and father is equally as important. While almost any boy can father a child, it takes a real man to be a Dad.


Men and women were created different in every sense of the word. That is the bottom line.  We all seem to question our differences constantly but God made no mistake, opposites attract right? Right! Men and women were created to be a balance for one another. Parenthood has revealed these differences in SO many ways. Frustrating at times, but so worthwhile. As a mom I have seen first hand how frustrating it can be to feel like you are the do all be all for your child. But most time that is our own fault as mothers, we are control freaks and don’t allow dad to step up to the plate. Most men are not going to take initiative to do the dirty work with a baby, especially a newborn. It isn’t because they don’t want to it is because they don’t know their place. We carry this baby in us for 9 months feeling its every move and growing this indestructible bond while dad is on the outside just dealing with our mood swings. Bless their hearts! Their bond doesn’t really connect until they hold that little miracle in their arms for the first time. Give him a minute to adjust, you have had 9 months and it all just became so real for him. It has taken me a year to get to a point where I can step back and be thankful for what my husband does do as a father instead of nagging him for everything he doesn’t do. Motherhood can feel lonely whether you have an involved baby daddy or not. Men do not prioritize the same way we do but that doesn’t mean they are always wrong. A man was created to lead, let them lead! I have had to step back and realize that my husband’s role as father is just as important as my role as mother. I may do things a certain way during the day with our son but when daddy comes home from work he needs that time to spend with Hutton without me controlling from the background—do it this way, no do it that way! I am an absolute control freak so this has been quite the challenge! Let daddy step in and help when he offers, you are doing a disservice to your baby daddy and child by not letting them do things, they need to have a bond as well. My number one mistake with this was not letting Trey put Hutton to sleep. As a breastfeeding mama I just assumed it was easier for me to put Hutton to bed and do all the night feedings, I was wrong! Trey and Hutton needed that quiet time together. We all know what I am talking about, there is something so special about rocking your baby to sleep in a quiet room just the two of you, it is like the whole world stops and for those few moments all is right in this crazy place. I stole those moments from Trey because I insisted it was easier for me to do it. Don’t be in such a rush to do everything the easy way, we only get these special moments for a short time before our babies don’t need us anymore. Enjoy the late nights and early mornings, they will be gone so soon. Fatherhood is intimidating for a man, it is territories they aren’t familiar with and aren’t programmed to just know what to do. They don’t have a motherly instinct like we do. Remember that next time they are letting your little one bite on a piece of pizza at 10 months, they aren’t thinking about baby choking they are just wanting to share a pizza night with their boy! Okay, may be a stupid example but you get the point! They mean well, they just don’t always go about things the way we would as mothers.

As hard as this is to admit, there are some things I just can’t do as mom. Trey will always be Hutton’s Dad, he will fill a space in Hutton’s heart that I will never have the chance to know. How awesome is that to know?! Trey is there to lead Hutton in life, teach him about his Creator, teach him to show compassion, love and mercy to those he comes in contact with over his lifetime, teach him to respect women, how to change a tire, how to be independent, he will be there to tell Hutton ‘yes’ when I say ‘no’ and I am okay with that because I know he has Hutton’s best interest at heart always. Most importantly, he will be there to teach him how to lead himself so that he will one day be the head of a household and share this knowledge with his own children.  

As you all have read previously, Trey and I’s love story didn’t start traditionally. We were a mess but God had such big plans for us. Thankfully, we listened. Together, we have built a foundation for our son that we can be proud of as parents and as a couple. I give most of this credit to Trey. Yes, my whole world changed when I found out I was pregnant but as a woman my natural instinct was to nurture and love the baby growing in my womb. A man doesn’t feel those little kicks and hiccups; the connection is so different for those first 9 months. An unplanned pregnancy can be hard for all parties involved but especially the father. Trey wasn’t ready to step into that role he was in his prime bachelor phase but he did his best, he did what he knew he could do. He stepped up to the plate financially and most importantly emotionally, he was there for me every tear shed and I couldn’t have asked for more.  Those first 9 months he was my support system that was his job while mine was caring for our unborn child. When Hutton was born I will never forget the look of fear in Trey’s eyes as he held him for the first time. It wasn’t fear like “what have I done, I don’t want to be a dad” it was the fear of wanting to be everything for this little boy and wanting to give him the world. What a peaceful, reassuring moment for me. I knew in that moment Trey was changed forever. He was so calm in that moment and I remember thinking to myself, this, this is what it is about. That man is going to be my husband and the father to my babies. His eyes were filled with such joy and honor to be holding something so beautiful that he was part of creating. That is what being a Dad is about, anyone can do the deed of fathering a child but it takes that moment of remarkable joy in a mans heart to step up and be a Dad to a child. I could not be more proud of Trey’s remarkable resilience in our situation. What a man he has become!

As women we are needy, constantly needing reassurance for the things we are doing for our family. Your man is no different, quit focusing on all the negative and reassure them that they are doing good. If they need to step it up in some areas then address the issue followed by a compliment of something they are doing right. The constant negativity can wear a person down! Give your baby daddy the chance to prove himself as a Dad and not just a Father. Don’t get frustrated so quickly, they are doing the best they can with no guidebook. It doesn’t matter how many diapers they change or sippy cups they wash, what matters is that they are present and asking “what can I do?” “How can I help?” Their desire to want to lead and help in your life and your child’s life is more important than any number of feedings or diaper changes they do—even though mama may be burnt out at times! Remember that you don’t have all the answers either and you are lucky to have a man that is trying, some women and babies aren’t as fortunate.

 










Chatt Later,
Mallory




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